Last weekend I sat the final exams of a year long Pilates teacher training course and (….this is hard to own) unfortunately I need to re-sit one of these.
I’m sharing here in the interest of staying authentic on this platform (even when it’s hard) and I also wanted to share how I’ve come to terms with this over the past few days (and basically my ultimate realisation that we can learn and grow from every experience, even when it sucks).
I am already a qualified Pilates teacher, with 13 years experience, so you can imagine this was a bit of a blow to the ego! I enrolled on this course because I wanted to grow as a teacher. It was a massive financial investment, a huge number of hours with regular mainland travel – but I was committed to doing the work and making the changes, getting uncomfortable and becoming the best teacher I could be.
I could have chosen a number of quicker, easier, cheaper or more convenient courses – but I wanted to go with e a well respected programme to train with and teachers that I admire and respect. When I originally trained in 2011 I did so with amazing teachers (Lesley and Don @ Classical Pilates UK) which provided a great foundational training and I wanted to build upon this with more high quality teaching.
Having to re-sit part of the final exam was an absolute blow to my ego, and a huge disappointment.
But over the past couple of days I’ve asked myself the following questions (inspired by previous work with Dr Sarah Madigan):
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What am I making this mean?
My first instinct was “I’m a failure” – a Pilates teacher who can’t pass a Pilates exam!!!
But I know this isn’t true. It doesn’t mean I can’t teach Pilates, or even that I can’t teach well – I know this in my bones.
It means that at the final exam I didn’t show the examiners what they needed to see. It means I selected a course with such high standards that getting someone safely through a Pilates class isn’t enough. And it means there is space for me to elevate my teaching skills. I know in the exam I operated from a place of fear – fear of freezing, fear of getting it wrong – and this led me to teach inauthentically – overthinking, getting in my head, trying to do and say what I thought I needed to do and say rather than effectively teaching the body in front of me.
What they wanted was more depth, and more commitment to changing a clients’ body using the system and the method. It’s about upholding the legacy of Joe Pilates, and maintaining the stand of teachers graduating through this programme – and at the end of the day, I’m down with that!
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Why is this perfect?
First instinct – it’s not perfect at all! I would much rather have ace’d the test.
But, as hard as it was to hear, I’m using this as an opportunity to do what I set out to – which was to become the best teacher I can be. And this reminder is that I amn’t there yet, there’s still work to be done.
So I know what I need to work on, and I’m determined to use this opportunity to go deeper, and to overcome some of the fears that hold me back.
This feels like a really stretchy and vulnerable post, but I think it’s important to share. Feeling like a failure, things not going to plan, beating ourselves up about things we didn’t do well – I’m sure these are things we all experience.
Would love to hear about anyone else’s experience of failure as a catapult for growth!